Elken

By tonight I should no longer have Elk Antlers (Staple #16) in my collection of cool things. The proposed trade is for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) on audio CD. Now, I'm not sure if this is a great trade for me, but it certainly is a great trade for K.S. who'll be adding the antlers to his Man Cave.

A Man Cave simply needs something torn from a dead animal. It's just the way things are, I'm sorry about that PETA. I really do love animals. I don't maintain a personal Man Cave, and the beast was already dead. Someone just traded it to me. And now, dear PETA friend, K.B. doesn't have to go kill another animal to make sure his Man Cave is appropriately furnished.

Win-win, right?

Well, maybe. People of my ilk like live elk.  I mentioned the Grand Tetons adventure previously, and while on that adventure we saw plenty of Elk, or Elken as I prefer to call them. It just seems easier somehow: Deeren, Bisen, Elken, Moosen ... all free up in the woodsen.  I dunno. You be the judge.
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Divorces and Diamonds

Pretty sure I commented on this before, but I'm excited about a new and slightly random bit of trading. This time it's actually coming to fruition. It started with a staple, then some books, and more recently wool. I got 163 skeins of yarn and a digital camera for my two volume set of Umpublished Revelations of the Prophets and Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are a somewhat rare set of books, but still, not bad, eh?

And now a friend of mine was interested in 36 of those 163 skeins. No prob, Bob. No, her name isn't really Bob, but let's just call her Bob for the time being.

So Bob picked out the skeins she wanted, and while she's a rather phenomenal photographer she wasn't sure what she wanted to trade me for those skeins. Perhaps some original prints? Or not, because I'd be tempted to keep them. Well, as we were talking with a lawyerly friend of mine also present at the time of the skein-versation, we hit on something interesting ... my lawyerly friend wants to learn to make felt. Felt is made from woven wool, like my yarn.

The lawyer wants the felt-making lessons.  The photographer wants the wool yarn. And I want a divorce.  You see where this is going?

First off I need to say one thing: I'm not married. I don't need a divorce. I'm actually opposed to divorce on general principle as I find it's often a bi-product of selfishness. Yet, because there is an appropriate place for it in society, I find myself willing to both trade for a divorce, and to trade it on to someone who actually needs it. The details are yet to come, but it will essentially be a coupon for one no-fault divorce in the state of Utah.

And what does someone trade who wants a divorce coupon? An engagement ring, of course! (Thanks for the suggestion "M") Yeah ... so that's what I'm shooting for: an engagement ring all full of diamonds. Then I'll have had an engagement ring, and a divorce, but never have been married.

Too fun. Way too fun.
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Decisions

A buddy and I are thinking about getting a new place.  Now, finding a new place to live has got to be one of my least favorite decisions ever.  Never was man presented with such a degree of pros and cons than in the choice of housing ... with one exception: women.  But we're not going to go there ... yet.
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I'm a minimalist. I like to keep things small and simple. I'm highly organized. My buddy likes big and spacious. He's fairly well organized, too. He just like lots of air around him.
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So, off we go last night driving around town looking for "For Rent" signs in and around the places we'd be interested in. But it's late in the house-hunting season here in this two-university town. Not much at reasonable prices still available. There was one great mother-in-law's apartment that I was interested in, but it was too small for Buddy.  I can't afford it by myself.
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And as I'm writing this I just got a call from my friend, who is now bailing out. Decision AVERTED!  Now that I'll be homeless for the month of September, I'll just have to hit the road and visit family and friends in the general area of the Rocky Mountains. Just me and my backpack rolling down the road on the ol' moto!
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Should be an adventure, to say the least! Don't worry, I'll still be available to negotiate trades ... just over a wider area!
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Dudley Do-Right

A couple friends and I went to Grand Teton National Park for a long weekend. If I said it looked just the same as the time I went when I was 11 I'd be lying. Or, maybe it wasn't so much that it looked different as I looked at it from a different perspective: from the top down!
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One of my favorite French expressions is: Pourquoi j’irais voir d’en bas ce que je connais déjà d’en haut?
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Choosing the high road isn't always easy, but it sure is worthwhile. No, I'm not talking about the moral high road, like Dudley Do-Right would. I'm talking about altitude. Although my attitude toward altitude wasn't dramatically altered by some former Grand Teton Jenny Lake Rangers we hiked with on Monday. It's a wonder anyone could move that fast ... and the youngest one was 67. 
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I thought we were going up the trail in Death Canyon and ten off to the north on the Alaska Rim  Trail ... oh, no!  Irene (70) heads off-path about 15 minutes up the trail and proceeds, directissima, up the three hammagogs toward the mountain summit!
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Inspirational!
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Why would I wish to see something from below that I already know from above?
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Cab Over Camper

Just saw this on KSL.com: Free Cab Over Camper.

There are a couple problems, however. First, I can't take it for free. Second, it's in Saint George. Third, I can't pick it up anytime soon. Still, I sent an email off to the folks to see if they'd trade it to me for a staple, then hang on to it while I find a way to get it.

One can only hope.

Then I saw this bus for trade ... oh. That would be cool!  Then I could put each of my items in its own seat ... with seatbelts.

One day!
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Counselor for Trade?

So ... the coolest idea ever was definitely a scam, but that doesn't make it any less of a cool idea. That's why I added it to The Wants list. It's just the kind of thing I want to trade for: cool.
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And it's not the only cool thing that I'm working on. A much more immediate coolness is at our gates.  You see, I've been working on trading my books. Now, these are some really cool books, especially for Mormons they are. They're Mormon books, after all. And there's a guy I know who likes the books. He's Mormon. I know, it makes sense. He made me a few offers that I'm not quite ready to reveal.
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Ok, I'm ready to tell you ... he offered me a home audio system and a couple of bicycles. Yeah ... the books are that cool.  So, I was chatting with an attorney friend of mine about this potential trade. He's a green kind of guy, likes to reduce he carbon footprint and stuff. So, a bike is just the thing he'd like to have.  Hmmmm ... I'm actually surprised he doesn't already have one. But the real question is, what does a counselor have to trade?
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Himself!
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No. He's not a gigalo. We don't roll that way here at the One Hundred Staples Project. But he is an attorney who specializes in, among other things ... divorce!  Up next on the trading block: "a divorce."  Hopefully I'll have a divorce, at least. The deals not done yet. And the next best part about all this is that I, a single man who has always been single, would be able to say:
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"I've never been married, but I've had a divorce."
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Coolest Idea Ever

There are three main categories I like to look at on craigslist.org: Barter, Free, and Wanted.  Of course, I also take a look at the motorcycles on occasion! So, as I was cruising through some ads on Craigslist.org just a minute ago I was struck with the coolest idea ever.  This guy posted an ad in the Wanted section saying he needs another $5k for in vitro fertilization. He and his wife can’t have kids and won’t be able to save enough money fast enough.  First thought? 

Scam!  You got it.

So, I don’t know if the guy is scamming or not, but I sent him a message anyway. I’ll know soon enough if he’s just going for free cash. If he’s NOT going for free cash, then we might have a cool little project on our hands!

I could trade something(s) bigger and better into "an in vitro fertilization” which I could then trade to this dude for something of value to keep trading. If I could first get a doctor on board to give a discounted in vitro, he’ll get free advertising out of it anyway. It’ll be worth it to him.

(I know … you’re going to call me a hypocrite right now. Not too long ago I did rant about the detrimental impacts of “perceived value” and the advertising industry recently. But I feel in vitro fertilization is a worthy service both to offer and to promote.)

So ... as I was saying before interrupting myself, I first have to find a doc, then find out what he wants, then get what he wants, and then find out how to trade the in vitro to this guy for something of significant value … perhaps something he could buy with his $4k.  Essentially this guy would get a discounted in vitro, and I would get some airtime.

Genius!
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Better on Two Wheels

I’ve owned five motorcycles in my young lifetime, and I can honestly say that life is better on two wheels. I wasn’t so fortunate to have learned to ride as little tyke, so at the ripe old age of 15 I offered my dad $100 for his one-owner 1970 Suzuki TS250. He was going to give me the bike as a present for achieving my Eagle Scout, but I had stalled out at the rank of Life Scout. Growing impatient to learn to ride I did what any red blooded American boy would do: I took matters into my own hands. And by “matters” I mean the throttle and clutch.

My family lived on about 4.5 acres just outside of Waco, Texas … wait, what does this have to do with staples? Trust me, we’ll get there. Anyway, we had plenty of land, so I took the bike out in the field and before long I was speeding in and out of the trees, over the bumps and ruts, etc.

Riding Hwy 1 a couple years ago

It was way beyond fun. Now I’ve ridden bikes all across the western states, as well as in Haiti, Ghana, and Egypt. To this day few experiences in life can compare with being on two wheels. That’s not to say I don’t own a four-wheeled vehicle. I do, it’s a Jeep and just happens to be in Egypt.  I know, Egypt, right?!  Why do I have a jeep in Egypt? Long story, and one for another time, but what this means is that the entire One Hundred Staples project is riding on two wheels.

Me on two wheels = good.

One Hundred Staples project on two wheels = bad.

So, the number one priority right now is to trade one or more of the staples into a truck. With a truck I can move bigger and better stuff … like a travel trailer. With a truck and a travel trailer, I can then make exchanges ALL over the world!  Ok, not the world, but certainly a larger part of it.  So, the real question is, which staple will I try to trade up to a truck?

We’ll see.

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Be Bold

Wow. You should have seen me in high school. I’ll take a bit of blog to describe it, but I assure you that a look back to my high school experience is nothing but uncomfortable for me. Sure, I had a few friends, but my … um … “social skills” were insufficient to create a comfortable environment for myself.  Here’s a classic example of my social discomfort: I was in a small theatre class my freshman year, perhaps a dozen people. Our assignment for this particular day was to read a poem. There we sat in a circle of chairs set up on the stage. Mr. M., the drama teacher, would later have a heart attack related to the stress of his job, but that day the students were lethargic. Slouched in their chairs they waited as Mr. M. asked me to read my poem: “Hell in Texas.”

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They were Texans. I was not.

It doesn’t matter where you move when you’re 14, you won’t like it. Period.

The lights were too bright on stage and very dim over the rows of seats where an audience would normally sit. I wished I could sit in the dark and read my poem.

“Stand up,” said Mr. M.

I stood … barely.

You see, this is a story about fear. I was afraid. I hated being in front of people, even a dozen stupid high-schoolers. My legs were shaking so terribly as I read Hell in Texas that I almost fell over. My hands, my voice, everything was shaking.

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I finished the poem and collapsed into my seat with the additional fear that I might have shat myself while reading the poem. As the next student started reading I shifted in my seat. Nope, I hadn’t shat myself. It was horrible, but at least one not-bad thing had come of it.

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In the seven years that passed between my high school and college graduations a number of experiences combined to alter my self-perception and confidence, but the lesson that I’m still in the process of learning is: be bold.

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My new self thinks: the early bird gets the worm. Early bird.

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But my old self says: the second mouse gets the cheese. Second mouse.

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Benefits of Trading

Trading one good or service for another is simple enough, but what, you may ask, are the benefits of trading anything for a single staple?  Oh … they are many!

Every person who trades with me for one of the original 100 staples received the undeniable one-time right to a single stay of not more than four days on the island. Of course scheduling must be made in advance. I mean, there are 100 staples, and if each staple represents one person, and that person stays for four full days … well, you see how in short order my island would become a very crowded paradise!

But what about all the other people who trade? What will they get?  Well, I was about to explain … there are three more categories of persons who will receive the right to stay on the island: Brokers, Closers, and Lucky Dogs.

Broker: one who connects me with someone who wants to trade with me, and which trade actually takes place. Brokers will receive an additional 18 hours and 40 minutes of time on the island for every deal the Broker brokers

Closer: one who makes the very last in the string of trades originating from a single staple. This could happen in two ways. The first way to become a Closer is if someone convinces me to trade two or more of my items (e.g., Staples #34a and #78) for a single item, which I then continue trading. The second way to become a Closer is to offer me a deal so good that I don’t need/want to trade that item for anything else.  Closers will receive the right to a stay of no more than 10 days 7 hours and 54 minutes in paradise.

Lucky Dog: one who is lucky. In the eventuality that I decide to hold a lottery, the winner(s) of said lottery will also receive the privilege of spending time in my island paradise. Eligibility will depend on participation in the One Hundred Staples project. All other details are yet to be determined.

With benefits like these, who wouldn’t want to participate?!
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